July 31, 2008


I was thinking today about Regan's first sign. It was more. I had just had a cry on the phone that he would never get it and that afternoon with our favorite Speech Therapist in the world he did it! I remember the feeling of happiness that he got it. From that day he was added signs like crazy. I actually don't know how many signs he knows now. Over 100 I'm sure. I did try to keep up with them but just can't anymore. He adds to them all the time. Our latest group of signs has to do with school. Colors, backpack, pay attention and the list goes on. But even with all the progress I want more.

More words

More signs

More concepts

More friends

More acceptance

More opportunities

More involvement

More abilities

More, More,More

I don't think as humans we will ever be satisfied with what we have its always more that we are craving.

I want more all the time

More money

More time

More friends

More kids

More house

More me time

More family time

More mom daughter time

More laughs

More, More, More

How selfish. I have a wonderful hubby, beyond great son, great parents, great in-laws, great friends. I'm challenging my self this week to enjoy more of what I have, to want less and explore the wonderful world I have.

July 29, 2008


A spider I found this morning when I went out to the trashcan. When I was younger we had these spiders all over the place. I just think they are beautiful!!

July 21, 2008

Home sweet home!

Ricky and I enjoyed a wonderful weekend at Carillon Beach Resort in Florida. We had a hard time leaving Regan but I know that he had a good time without meme and daddy. We stayed in a beautiful place at Carillon Beach. Its between Panama City and Destin. The water was clear and there weren't any waves. We laid on floats in the ocean and just relaxed. The place where we stayed has had some new places open near the hotel one was a blues bar, a pizza place and a cute little seafood place. We had a great time and I want to share some pictures. The hotel was a short walk to the beach but it's around a beautifully landscaped stone walkway with these amazing houses that can be rented. They would drive you by golf cart to the beach if you wanted. We took the ride one day but the rest of the time we just enjoyed the beautiful walk. The lake that is in front of the Inn had turtles and fish and was just so pretty. We saw a few people fishing in front of it. I liked that we were away from all the craziness that happens at PCB I just want to relax at the beach not worry about what I may see. I tried to talk Ricky into moving but he is becoming a home body!

On the doctor note..... I do have PCOS. I knew that but I finally have a dx.
My labs were really messed up. My blood sugar was low but my insulin was really high. My estrogen was low but my testosterone was about triple what it should be. I'm now taking two meds one to lower the insulin and one to lower the testosterone both I will probably take forever. I may be able to drop the one for the testosterone if those levels ever drop. I'm ok with all of it. The insulin meds make me dizzy but I think it will take some getting used to. The metformin that is for insulin is safe to take if I ever do get pregnant so that is a relief. I'm just glad to finally have an answers to my questions.

July 14, 2008

update on my previous post

I know that my last post was a little... well, alot of ramblings and I was very down. I feel some better now. Regan and I are working on the things that can help in in school and the friendship thing will just happen when it happens.

We're off to clean the house!

July 12, 2008

Blog to get it off my mind

This is probably going to be nothing but ramblings. I just can't unwind tonight. Ricky is too tired to listen and so the computer always listens, right?

I'm constantly worried about Regan this past week. He is having some anxiety issues around groups of kids. He seems to get over stimulated in which is ending in a crying spell. In McDonald's on Friday he did it over and over when kids were playing all around him and he couldn't process what all was happening. As soon as he started the crying and screaming the kids would all scatter and then he would be able to calm himself down. Its so hard as a mommy to know that your child is up there not being played with but being a sitting duck. He can't keep up with kids his age. They are mentally and physically more advance than he and it's sad. While kids his age are already to the playing with peers stage he is still in the stage of side-by-side play. Where he wants to play beside someone but doesn't know how to interact with them. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to do play dates because noones child wants to play with him or be near him. I feel myself pulling away from people because it hurts me to see their children. I just didn't expect to feel this way so early. I've seen kids just take things away from Regan and he just stand there with this look on his face he can't say anything and we have worked so hard on the no hitting or hurting other kids. Its just so frustrating!!!!!!! I want to find him a friend that is patient with him and can help him. I had another mom of a special needs child tell me that they were their child's only friend that no other child wanted anything to do with their son and so they had to be what their child was missing out on. I see that this is where we will be.

I'm just sad for my child these last few days. I'm sad because he didn't move up with his preschool class and even though I knew it would happen he is even behind these new classmates. I feel like I have let him down. That there was something else I should have been doing that would make things better for him. I feel like its my fault that he isn't where his peers are.

I'm also upset for the thought of leaving this coming up weekend. Ricky and I are supposed to go to the beach just the two of us but I have these horrible feelings for us going without him. I just can't stand the thought of it. Maybe that's where most of my hurt is coming from. I just can't stop crying these last few days.

I've been sick and queasy since Monday night and early Tuesday. I can't seem to get over it either. I get so sick at my stomach every time I start thinking about Regan and that isn't helping it either.

I'm going to stop typing now and go check my down syndrome group online. They always seem to cheer me up.

July 7, 2008

Happy July

I can not believe its already July. Where has this year gone?

We spent the last week doing lots of fun things. Gatlinburg, birthdays, cookouts, fireworks, yard work and spending time with family and friends. I love summer when you can sit in the shade and just relax.

I'm not a fan of the gas prices but I do see it changing the way people do things. We have stayed at home with family and friends more. It has cut down on the got to go feeling I had. I have seen more people in their yards playing volleyball, more people on front porches, more kids running in the sprinklers and I love it. I love hearing stories of when people visited with their family and hung out at their neighbors house all summer.

A few celebrations to mention since my last post..

June 29Th ~~ Ricky's dad's b-day
July 5Th~~ My mom's b-day
July 7Th ~~ Mike and Candace's 1 year anniversary

Congrats to all of you!