April 30, 2009

I'm having a day........

***Whining and Complaining starts now***

~It's not fair that I spent 200+ dollars on braces today only to find out that these will more than likely need replaced in less than 6 months.

~ It's not fair that I then had to go and try on 100 pair of shoes to find shoes that would go over said braces only to be stuck with one choice.

~It's not fair that I have spent hours up the last week trying to get things lined up for his IEP and trying to figure out if a goals I want are too advanced

~It's not fair that my mind is constantly trying to figure out how to make each moment a "teaching" moment because Regan is falling behind his peers even more.

~It's not fair that Ricky and I are trying to figure out how much life insurance we will need to make sure that Regan gets to have the support we want for him.

~It's not fair that the entire time we are trying to figure that out we are wondering if he will even live that long. Average Life expectance is only in the 50's

~It's not fair that we make too much money for any assistance yet budget 300 a month for doctor appointments, copays, lab work, medication and the past two months we have spent over double that each month.

~It's not fair the looks people give him. Or when people keep their kids away from him.

~It's not fair to wonder if your child will be able to graduate high school when they haven't even started elementary school.

~It's not fair that you are already trying to get information about job training so that he CAN have a job.

~It's not fair that two year olds use more words than your own child.

~It's not fair to wonder if our baby will feel ashamed of his/her brother.

~It's not fair to think maybe your next child will help potty train your oldest when there is almost 5 years difference.

~It's not fair to constantly be worried that you aren't doing enough.

~It's not fair to be questioning your every decision.

~It's not fair that his days are filled with OT, PT, Speech and appointments

~It's not fair that I feel like all I do is teach.

~It's not fair that I wonder if he will ever remember me for doing something other than taking him to appointments

Today I feel like things are not going where they need to be. We are fighting all the time. Today in a shoe store he got mad and knocked shoes off the display. All because he couldn't get me to understand what he wanted. When I did get it...it was too late. He was mad and not going to listen to a word I said. I bent down to talk to him and all the sudden he jumped and busted my nose. I had to get paper towels to stop the bleeding. He kept on yelling stop at me and wouldn't let me try the shoes on him at all. He never likes to put on new shoes, he always wants his old shoes but with the new braces his shoes were falling off as he walked. I hope that tomorrow is a better day, because right now I feel like I'm failing as his mom.

1 people actually cared enough to comment on this:

Anonymous said...

Never feel like you are failing as a mom because you actually think your life is bad but there is alway's someone else out there that is having it worse than you. We Mom's try and try and it alway's seems that we are beating our heads against the wall. I have a daughter that is 9 and she has seizures and has learning problems because of the seizures and you can't get help from the school. So I kinda feel some of your pain.